"The Proposal"

Staci and Trever are officially "getting to know each other better", whatever that means. They met in January when Staci went up to Hayden, ID to live with my parents and work at the church with the youth. Well, as it turned out, the job at the church never came through, but Staci made some great friends up there. It was apparant to us that Trever was a little more "special" than the rest of the gang but she insisted they were just friends. She was 6 months into her "serious relationship" with God and for the past year has been 100% committed to being with Him, learning of Him, meditating on His word, seeking relationship with Him. Just an amazing work of the Holy Spirit drawing her to himself. So, she told Trever that she wasn't looking for romance, just friends who could point her to Christ. Well, I'm thinking this lack of romantic interest on her part did nothing but fan the flames of his interest in her. Although he knew this was how she felt, he pursued being with her, willing to accept her terms. Being winter in N. Idaho, the kids spent a lot of time hanging out indoors at the Kuetemeyers house, getting to know the family as well, who apparantly fell in love with Staci. (and she them) This is a godly family who loves the Lord and who have raised a gentle, caring, intelligent (and obviously patient) young man who had never yet had a girlfriend. I loved him way before I met him. Well, Staci hightailed it outta there after 2 months of all of this, scared spitless. Actually, she didn't admit to herself that this is why she left until months later. But she came back home at the end of March and spent the next 3 months here growing deeper in her walk with God and being used by God to encourage me in my spiritual walk. Because of her witness, I have been memorizing scripture for the past 6 months and am blown away at how God uses His word to glorify Himself through us. The fellowship of having Staci here with us was exactly what I needed during my time of job searching and waiting. Even though she may have left ID prematurely (according to God's plans for her)He certainly ministered to me through her during those months to keep me looking up, trusting God for my future.

Fast forward 3 months to first week in July when Dan Kuetemeyer (T's dad) calls Staci to issue an open invitation for her to come up there for Trever's birthday (August 10), go on family vacation with them to Oregon coast and live in their guesthouse for "as long as she wants or needs to". Whoa-now that's some serious courtin behavior! Except Staci doesn't see that at all-she just sees that these people love her, God loves her, and He's offering her a wonderful opportunity through them just because He is good and full of graciousness. So, she's off in the Jeep to Idaho again for a summer road trip, with her Dad this time. Jerry spends 3 days on the road with Staci then 2 days in Idaho meeting the K's before flying home to Kansas, where I meet him at KCI, we spend 24 hours in KC and he turns around and takes me to KCI for my flight out to N. Idaho. I spend 8 days there (essentially I've been unemployed since April) at Mom and Dad's house with Staci. Several days are spent with K's getting acquainted. Nothing is ever said by anyone about this being a courting situation, which made it all pretty awkward to me. But Dan and Lisa were obviously quite interested in getting to know me and spending time with me while there. Even inviting me and my folks out on a Sunday afternoon to celebrate T's 19th birthday with their family and both sets of grandparents. Trever is blessed with 2 sets of Christian grandparents who have lived near him his whole life and have been involved. A very cool, close knit famiy and I come away from the afternoon with the impression that Trever has always been a kind, considerate kid who is just "nice" to everyone. While up there one evening Trever was over at Mom and Dad's house playing the guitar and singing. He asked me if I had any requests and I asked if he would play the song he wrote for Staci's 21st birthday. Staci is embarassed, but I hadn't been able to hear/understand the words when she played it for me online. Anyway, Trever sings the song that he wrote and I am stunned. Speechless. It was one of those defining moments in my life where I knew life would never again be the same. Something huge is happening. He loves my daughter. That he even wrote such as song is amazing (especially since they are "just friends" who hadn't even seen each other for 3 months when he wrote the song, which spoke of his feelings for her). That he sang it for us blew me away. It was such a courageous thing to do.

On my last day up there, Staci moves into the K guesthouse amidst much maternal emotional turmoil. So many emotions: sadness that this is probably it-she's staying up here this time and I'm really going to miss her, excitement for what God has in store for her as she ventures out on her own to look for a job and continue to seek His leading and calling for her life, nervousness about the living arrangements and unspoken assumptions about she and Trever-concern that somebody is going to get hurt. Because at this time, Staci is still not looking for love, but it is apparant to me that Trever and his family have "chosen" her. And I think very highly of all of them and do not want this to end badly.

I've spent the last year praying Ephesians 1:17,18 over each of my family members by name:
I keep asking that the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the glorious Father, may give _____the Spirit of wisdom and revelation, so that _____ may know you better. I pray also that the eyes of his/her heart may be enlightened in order that he/she may know the hope to which he has called him/her, the riches of his glorious inheritance in the saints, and his incomparably great power for us who (continually) believe.
I insert the name Jerry, Shayla, Aaron, Staci, even Ashton and Sadie as I pray for them. Over the past 7 weeks, I have added the name Trever to my daily prayer list. I must admit, it has been hard to faithfully pray for our daughter's future husbands without knowing them by name. But over the years I have prayed general requests for God to be raising up men of faith, strength, courage and purity for our daughters.

2 days ago Trever called us to say that he is "incredibly fond" of our daughter Staci and would like to have our permission to "get to know her better". He praised us for the way we have raised Staci, thanked us for being her parents. When asked if he is familiar with the concept of courship, told us he has "known about it since day 1", has friends and a sister who have done it and he's talked with them about it. So although he didn't use this terminology, it appears he is basically wanting to court her. He asked if we had any questions as he wanted to be as open as possible. He said he wants to honor her by honoring us this way (seeking our input). I did later email him and tell him of my concerns about getting very close , i.e. "oneness", if they weren't both ready to get married. He thanked me for sharing my insights and assured me that "I am God's and He is in control." Gotta love that. I see Jesus in him. And Jesus looks good on him. :)

So, now she's been up there exactly 7 weeks, but instead of coming "home" she started a new job at Qdoba, has opened a checking account, been leading a girls bible study, feeling called to take the gospel to Isreal and trying to figure out how that would work, joinng Trever in leading worship at "the gathering" at T's church, and finally, accepting Trever's bended knee "proposal" last night to get to know her better. We talked on the phone today and she's asking for prayer that God would be glorified, that they would keep their focus on Him rather than on their relationship. Lord, protect her from any deception. Keep her eyes on you, paying attention to your words and acting on them alone (not friends, parents, Trever,or her own feelings of passion if they counteract your words) If this is your man and your timing, give them PEACE as they move forward. In Isiah 48:18 your word says that PEACE is the result of obedience. Even IF Staci's heart is scared, if you want her to date Trever please give her peace like a river as she pays attention to you and obeys. Likewise, if this is not the man or the timing of your choosing, by your Holy Spirit teach her what is best for her. Give her peace as she pays attention to you and obeys whatever path YOU lead her in. Finally, the verse you gave me this week to pray for both Staci and Trever as a couple: Isiah 26:8 "Yes, LORD, walking in the way of your laws, we wait for you; your name and renown are the desire of our hearts."

Last night we went to see a movie, but the one we went to see wasn't there. Instead, we saw the other movie starting at same time, The Proposal. The movie demonstrated the validity (unintentionally, I'm sure) of the biblical concept of courtship. The couple "chose" each other before they loved each other. After they chose to be married (a marriage of conveninece only), they fell in love as they got to know each other. My favorite line came at the end, when he realizes that he loves her after all: "Plese marry me-I want to date you."

Conversely, the movie 500 Days of Summer, demonstrated why the modern method of "dating" leads to heartache. The woman wanted to only be friends (albeit with sexual benefits) but the man felt a bond of oneness with her and was brokenhearted when she "left him". During the process of "getting to know" someone, whether it be through emotional, spiritual or physical intimacy, hearts become bonded. So it does make sense to me that couples shouldn't undertake such a proposal unless they are prepared for that bond of oneness to continue for life.

Anyway, if this relationship is of God, I couldn't be a happier Mama. I am totally enamored with Trever and feel confident that he and Staci could be very happy together. Thank you so much for the gift of human love and for romance-it was a very good idea :)