The Great Job Search

So far this week I have made about 20 contacts for potential jobs and am so tired of thinking about it. However, I can't really stop thinking about it (or acting on it) since the birth center didn't pay me for my last 3 weeks of work I did and I found out today that they didn't pay into the unimployment insurance pool so I don't have any elibility to receive IU benefits. That's the thanks I get for being let go with no notice, no severance pay (hah, what a joke)no benefit time that I saved from last year to use this year. Anyway, even though I really don't know how we're going to pay our bills (I know God knows) I am SO GLAD to no longer be working for such a poorly managed organization. Until today, I have actually just enjoyed my unemployed status.

Today was my Nana day with the kids and it was a good day. Ashton was totally taken with the electronic keyboard with microphone that I picked up for $15 this week. I got my $'s worth out of it just today! He wanted to stay over and spend the night and that made me feel good, but I am so physically tired by the end of Nana day. So we made a raincheck for next Saturday night, since he can just ride to church/sunday school with us that way.

This week I experienced the Mother of all job interviews. It was for an organization that I really don't think I want to work for, but thought I should apply anyway. Well, after the 1 hour interrogation, er, interview, I realized that the reason I applied was probably so I could have survived and hopefully learned from that experience. In case a job I really want comes along and they take their hiring as seriously as this company does, I will be prepared for intensive interview techniques. I don't really expect a callback since I answered their last question: "Why do you think you're the best candidate for this position?" with a laugh and "I don't even know if I think I'm the best candidate for this position!"

Hillary and Angel came over for dinner the other night and it was nice to hear about the great CNM opportunities there are out there around the country. Unfortunately, we aren't ready to leave this area. Waiting 3 more years for retirement eligibility for Jerry and to see where Shayla and Aaron end up by then. So, I'm just waiting to see what is available for the next few years for me.

Well, time to go watch our nightly fix of "24". It will be so sad when this season is over as I don't know what we'll find to do together in the evenings! LOL

Meet the Medwife

I am officially unemployed, as of Tuesday, Feb.5. Because SFBC has run into business and financial trouble, a decision has been made to close doors until they can get reorganized. It has been such a stressful few months, with a toxic environment. As sad as I am to see the only freestanding birth center in KC close, I am relieved too. I have spent the last few days trying to sort through all of my emotions and figure out where to go from here.

I had a resolution to read the bible through in a year, but I am hung up in Leviticus. I'm having a hard time finding much in it that speaks to me. But I know that for my own good, I need to be certain that my next job is where God can use me best. I'm trying to stay open and ask him to lead me.

Interestingly, there are currently 3 CNM positions (in KC) posted on the ACNM website, which is unheard of. I mainly look out of curiosity, not because I really want a fulltime hospital based job. In fact, I already declined an official interview for one of the 3 positions because I didn't think i wanted that. But yesterday it occured to me that perhaps I should persue all of them and let God open and close the doors, instead of me. I guess if he could receive glory out of me working in that setting, that's what will bless me also.

But, I am truthfully afraid of the hospital environment because I don't have much experience there (as a midwife) and I don't know if I could be content providing the kind of care that would be expected there. Would I be able to walk the fine line of providing midwifery care to women who, for the most part, don't even know how it differs from medicine and therefore don't "choose" it? Could I be content with social inductions, active management of labor, 30% c-section rate and all of the other crap that women these days seem to want? I tell myself that if this is what 98% of women want (and they do, since they choose hospitals as the place to birth their babies and this is what hospitals have to offer)why shouldn't I provide it as well as anyone??? Why not make the 6 figure salary? Someone else will if I don't. I think the only way I could do it and keep my sanity is to daily remind myself that even though I know it's not what I would want for myself or my loved ones, it IS what they want. It's not like I would be doing something "wrong". It's called practicing "medwifery", and though that word is used as an epithet, it is a career choice that is in demand, as evidenced by the 98 positions posted on the ACNM website today.

And maybe I could find a way to show love and compassion in spite of their choices. But I do know that I couldn't accept a position with any kind of illusions about trying to educate women and/or empower them to make different choices (than the induction, active management, c-section cycle). I've been there and done that during my brief hospital based midwifery stint. I came away feeling schizophrenic and like I'd been banging my head against a brick wall. No, if I accept a hospital based practice, it will be because I am ready to be a medwife.

The other alternative is a career change to anything else. But why do that when I can make a career change from midwife to medwife and make twice as much money as any other job available to me now?

OK, I think I need to at least take a serious look at these CNM positions. I'll never know if I can handle it if I don't try. I guess I could look at it this way: for all those who would believe that I have "sold out" there would be many who would finally respect me because I would be a part of the worshipped "respectable" medical establishment. Not that I am looking for their respect (as evidenced by my anti-establishment stance the last 10 years) but it would be refreshing to not feel the acute sense of rejection that has come with the practice of being a God fearing midwife. And BTW, that rejection has been most painful when it has come from the body of Christ. From those who give lip service to putting their hope in God, but by their actions they put their hope in a very ungodly system. But that's a subject for another day...