Midwife Musings

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Location: Sneads Ferry, NC, United States

I am a Certified Nurse Midwife. I am creating this blog as a way to journal my births - for my own personal and professional growth and to share the beauty of normal birth. My faith walk is very much tied up with midwifery. Midwifery has taught me just about everything I've learned about God. Update-now that it's been nearly 2 years since God allowed me to practice as a midwife, I have found that He reveals Himself in MANY ways if we seek Him. And he has been teaching me to seek Him, regardless of what work he calls me to. New update, I've been working as a "real" nurse midwife for a year and this blog has "morphed" into sharing my journey through life, whether it be from home, work, family. LIFE teaches us, not just our life work.

Wednesday, September 29, 2010

When it Rains, It Pours

Worked nights this past weekend and we had a 33 weeker come in hoping to deliver. Can't give too many details, but the kicker came when she insisted it was OK if she had a premature baby, saying "That's why they have NICUs". The LPN deadpaned back "That's also why they have the short school bus." WAAAAA!

Well, I've been working here for 10 months now. Jerry joined me mid July. The day before granddaughter Clara was born, we left Topeka with a moving truck with the rest of our belongings. I had been in Gardner for 12 days, waiting for Clara to arrive. Shay went into labor the day after we left and Clara was born at the Topeka Birth and Women's Center July 13, 2010. "Picture perfect birth" were the words of her midwife Emily. I was devastated. Angry at God. Sad for me that I couldn't catch her like I had the other two. But it is just 1 of many circumstances I have had to come to accept as being part of God's perfect plan for all of us. I don't understand His ways. But I trust what His word says "As for God, his way is perfect. The word of the Lord is flawless. He is a shield to all who take refuge in Him." 2 Sam.22:31. FLAWLESS. That leaves no room for improvement. It means that God's way can't be improved upon in any way. There is no circumstance that would make it better. Even if there are circumstances that I think would make it better. Guess this is why we are told to "lean not on our own understanding" and to "be transformed by the renewing of our minds."

Shayla turns 30 years old today. I am 1250 miles away. First time I haven't celebrated with her. But my mom and dad are with her right now, enjoying dinner out while the kids are at Awanas. It's raining here. For the 5th day in a row. >11 inches and counting. I miss fall in Kansas. The sunshine. The family times. Jerry's in the honeymoon stage in JAX, thinks 80 degrees in fall and 60 degrees in winter is perfect. It's so humid and dreary this week. I hope the rest of fall isn't like this.

We're taking it a day at a time. Jerry looking for work in what appears to be a hard place to find work if you aren't military. But he's still in "just retired" mode and not minding the extra time on his hands too much. I long to live in a house with a yard (instead of an apartment with a tiny balcony overlooking the parking lot) but neither of us want to buy a house. I would feel trapped. There are a LOT of homes for sale here, which makes us think it would be hard to sell if/when the time comes. We have found a church we really enjoy-First Baptist CHurch Jacksonville. www.fbcjax.net. (Hmm, can't figure out why I can't make that a link)

HAven't yet found friends. I long for a girlfriend who I can really share with. Haven't met any other women who I could pray with. So my life is mostly work, puttering around the apartment, taking excursions to local attractions with Jerry, planning trips "home" to visit the kids.

Still in limbo with my nursing license in Kansas. This has been going on for 5 years and there has been some activity on their part in the past 6 months, so we'll see if it is coming to an end. We'll stay here (probably) until that is resolved. I am learning many new skills in this job and gaining knowledge that I'm sure will serve me well anywhere I would go from here. I could stay here (at this job) until retirement if my family lived nearby. But now that Ashton is in school, and the kids are looking to buy a house in KC area that is looking less and less likely. God knows what's in store and he's trying to teach me to live in the present, not the past. Not the future.

We're looking forward to a 2 week trip to visit family in Kansas and Idaho over Thanksgiving. I'll be working Christmas. Guess that's all for now. Think I'll go look at airline ticket prices...